Hello.

This program contains discussion of child sexual assault and abuse, which may be upsetting for some viewers.

Alaska Inside is supported in part by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and by viewers just like you.

Thank you.

Moving beyond childhood trauma can be difficult, but it is possible.

I'm not 100% healed, but still I suit up and show up every day and I'm very effective at what I do.

And I'm very proud of that.

We'll hear stories of people taking control of their lives, finding healing and hope for the future.

Right now on Alaska Insight.

Good evening.

Leading a happy, healthy and productive life should be available to all of us.

And it is.

But sometimes the path to it can be buried under years of trauma, abuse, neglect, and addiction.

And those of us who have suffered abusive behavior in the past may have locked it down, tried to ignore it, or numb it through alcohol and drugs.

But sharing our experiences, the good and the bad can be a powerful start to healing, forgiveness, and a life with less pain.

Tonight we'll talk with Alaskans who have done just that and hear how their bravery has helped them find a happier life.

But first, here are some of the top stories of the week from Alaska Public Media's collaborative statewide news network.

State lawmakers file more than 80 proposals for new laws and constitutional amendments ahead of the start of the 34th Alaska Legislature, which is slated to gavel in on January 21st.

They cover a wide range of topics, but topping the list is a key campaign issue.

Reviving a pension system for state and local government employees.

Senate Majority Leader Republican Kathy Geisel of Anchorage prefiled a bill that would replace the current 401 K style defined contribution plan for new employees and offer current workers a chance to switch.

She says it's identical to her bill from the previous session, which passed the Senate but failed to advance in the Republican led House.

Representative elect Chuck cop, who is slated to be the House majority leader, said in an interview he expects a similar proposal to be a priority in the 50 people experiencing homelessness died on the streets of Anchorage last year.

That's two fewer people than in the peak in 2023, but still far exceeds the number of deaths in the years before that.

These outdoor deaths are counted by the Anchorage Police Department and include everyone who died outside without a permanent address, according to APD.

Shelter access was a big factor behind outdoor deaths over the last two years.

Many of the people who died also showed evidence of drug or alcohol use.

In a written statement, Mayor Suzanne LaFrance said her administration's top priority is reducing the numbers of unsheltered people.

Following a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing with Pete Hegseth, president elect Donald Trump's pick for defense secretary.

Alaska senators appear split on headset's qualifications.

Republican Senator Dan Sullivan enthusiastically endorsed headset after receiving positive answers from him about Alaska's strategic importance.

While Republican Senator Lisa murkowski says she met privately with Hegseth last month to ask him about the two veteran organizations, he is accused of mismanaging.

Murkowski isn't ready to say how she'll vote on Hegseth, but she noted in an interview she will likely have more questions for him during a hearing on the Senate floor.

She also said that Hegseth appears to be drawing the most constituent attention in her office.

Before a confirmation vote on the Senate floor.

Hegseth must be approved by the Armed Services Committee, with a vote likely happening next week.

You can find the full version of these and many more stories on our website.

Alaska public.org or download the Alaska Public Media app on your phone.

Now onto our discussion for this evening.

What's common becomes normal and what's normal becomes habit.

Whether that's good or bad, if it's common for a child to be hit at home, the likelihood of that child continuing that behavior with their own children is higher unless they get help and gain the understanding that being hit isn't normal and shouldn't be common for anyone.

But how can someone know that abusive behavior isn't normal unless people speak up and share their own experiences?

That lets others know they are not alone.

Don't need to feel ashamed of the bad things that happen to them, and most critically, that they can choose a different, healthy and nurturing path for themselves and their families.

The Lived Experience Project of the Alaska Children's Trust helps survivors of trauma share their stories of pain, addiction and loss, but also resilience, connection and sobriety.

We'll hear about the support that is available for people to turn surviving into thriving.

Starting with this story from Rob, who as a young boy survived the brutality of a family member.

He said he thought the beating would kill him.

I think that a part of me did die, but it my sister and I, we were in foster care for very brief time.

There's been a lot of healing since then.

I recently visit him and we got past this point, you know, like our complete forgiveness.

But what I realized is, like, I let him off the hook, but I never let myself off the hook.

Came up in a conversation with my wife.

She has done a lot of deep healing in her own journey, and we sat down and were talking.

There was a secret that I was keeping to myself about self-harm, about suicide.

It's just crazy how things can be so wonderful on the outside.

And then you have I have these moments where I just don't want to be here.

And I carried this to myself for a very long time.

She asked me, how old is this?

And I just went right back to when I was eight years old, and I went numb.

She asked me, she's like, so what would you tell eight year old Rob today?

They're going to lift it.

Not only are you going to live, you going to live well on that boat, right?

They opened up a container, expanded.

They've been able to to receive more, able to give more.

If you're hurting, you know there's healing as possible.

Not only is healing possible, but you can become a very productive member of society.

I never would have thought that I would be in a place where I'd be a deputy director of a nonprofit organization dealing with people who've gone through the similar things that I've gone through.

You know, I'm not 100% healed, but still, I suit up and show up every day, and I'm very effective at what I do, and I'm very proud of that.

She.

And it's not over.

And I'm looking forward to seeing what's next.

Looking forward to what's next.

Feeling hopeful and positive about the future.

Something we want for everyone.

Joining me tonight to discuss the Lived Experience Project and moving into the future in a healthier and happier way is Autumn Smith, Amy.

Autumn is a lived experience storyteller and an advisory board member for the Lived Experience Program, and Eliza Posner is the director of strategy for the Alaska Children's Trust.

Thank you both for being here tonight.

Thank you.

Thanks for having us.

Autumn, I want to start with you.

Tell us about your own journey from surviving to thriving and how covenant Help House helped you while you were in California.

Yeah, I was a foster youth, and I am the second oldest of seven children.

My brothers and sisters where we moved, when I was about 13, 15 years old.

I was not at home at the time because the child abuse was so bad that I had run away prior to my siblings being abused.

And then I was pretty much enticed by an adult to go to California.

I was told there would be work there.

I could be, you know, taking care of myself instead of in foster care and all these things.

So a transport ticket was bought for me to a one way, bus journey to San Francisco.

And that's where things went from being bad to worse.

And so I was put in a situation that today would be defined as human trafficking.

And so I wasn't free to, to leave my situation, and I wasn't free to, keep any earnings from my working at the time.

I wasn't free to just kind of, like, roam as I pleased without being sort of under threat of duress or harm.

And at some point, I ended up in Santa Monica.

And when I was in Santa Monica, covenant House of Los Angeles would drive around with, vans and engage the homeless, is asking them if they wanted things like sandwiches or blankets.

And at that point in time, I looked very unwell.

And they asked me to come with them, and I actually initially argued with them.

I didn't really know anything about covenant House at the time.

And I didn't know if they were basically safe people or my situation would be worse than when it already was.

And so what I, I think, the best part of that story is that, covenant House insisted and kept pressing that I, you know, get in the van with them.

They would get me the shelter, they would get me safe.

And I was basically standing there arguing, eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and all of the homeless folks around me that were also waiting for sandwiches.

Were saying things like, you need to go with them.

You need to go home.

They're going to help you.

So I think it's kind of a myth that folks that are homeless, are certain sort of, have certain sort of challenges or, aren't supportive of people getting off the streets or getting sober.

Most of the homeless adults around me at that time were encouraging me to get in the van.

And to go home and to get help.

So I think that, if I had not met with a program like covenant House in California, I'm not quite sure where I would be today.

Yeah, I'm certainly glad they came that day.

And and you quit arguing and went with them.

Everyone's glad when I quit arguing and so I'm staying with you for a moment.

You do national work and survivor based leadership.

Tell us a bit about that.

Yeah.

I work with groups like Polaris Project.

And the National Human Trafficking Organization.

I was just recently awarded Atlas Project, which allows for survivor led leadership programing here in Alaska.

And so there will be quite a bit of that forthcoming.

But, in those programs, it's really important to have survivors leading because they have the lived experience.

And they sort of know the nuances of other people's victimization or struggles or what they've gone through over the course of time.

And so it gives a better understanding to agencies on how to inform policy and make sure that things are programed in a way that the trafficking survivors can be successful.

Well, thank you for doing that work.

Eliza.

Turning to you know, we featured the Lived Experience project last fall on Talk of Alaska.

As the stories have rippled out in the community, what has been learned about the best ways to support people seeking a healthier path for their future?

I think one of the things that we've learned is that the best way to support survivors of child abuse and neglect is to ask survivors what they want and what they need on their healing journey.

The whole reason that we did this project was because we really believe that survivors of child abuse and neglect are experts in their own stories, and that it's really important to turn to them to learn more about how we can best, as a state, promote healing for individuals who have endured these experiences.

I'm a little bit surprised to hear you say, that we need to hear from them, because of course we do.

But also, if someone is still grappling with so much past trauma, how difficult is it for them to even know what they need or to advocate for themselves?

It can absolutely be difficult.

But I think that even people who are still struggling along their healing journey, they need the support of knowing that the individuals in their lives want to listen to them and hear from them, and that is absolutely important for everyone to feel like they have that network of social support.

It's also really important in the prevention of child abuse.

We know that healthy, positive relationships are key in preventing abuse and neglect.

And so both for survivors and before abuse happens, if we can offer that support, it makes all the difference in people's lives.

And also, if someone has been abused for a long time and had their power taken away from them, the first thing you want to do is help them get their power back and make their own decisions, right?

Absolutely.

Is this project a creation of the Alaska Children's Trust, or did you model it on something else?

So the Alaska Children's Trust is a chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America.

And we did talk to the, state chapters in several other states about how they've incorporated lived experience into all of their work.

And one of the key things that we learned, both by talking to those other chapters and other organizations in Alaska, is that it's so important to incorporate lived experience voices from the beginning, which is why we created that, project advisory Board, which is a statewide group of Alaskans who have experienced abuse and neglect and are also family members of those who've experienced abuse and neglect, who could really talk about how we could do this project in the right way.

Talk about the need, because we know that it's not just the person, it's the family, it's the community.

Talk about that need and and how you think about that when you're working with someone.

When I'm working with families and children, I think of the impact of their experience in their nuclear family, their extended family, and how that experience is going to fill train to the community.

So, for example, if, well, I want to preface for comment by saying that every child abuse victim has the same experience and not everyone's obviously at the same, level in their healing journey.

But when a child abuse that, doesn't receive the support that they should have, whether or not their child and or they drive a system or they're an adult.

What they've what they've learned is what they've learned.

So they're not improving life skills.

They're not feeling supported by other people.

They're ashamed to talk about their struggles.

And so what that does is it just kind of leaves them alone and unable to sort of ping off other people and receive feedback on their life skills or, clarity on their struggles or even knowing that they're not the only one at that point.

And so, you know, working with families to be able to make sure that everyone understands that what, what children receive and their nuclear family is what they're going to eventually put out into the community.

And so, if the community is not supportive and or receptive to, supporting people on a healing journey or to supporting people and learning life skills, or to giving them feedback or space to talk about, the things that happened to them, they're really stunting that person's growth.

And so that person can't ever really heal because they don't really have any skills to do so, and they don't have any support to do so.

So important.

Thank you.

We heard Rob story at the beginning of the program.

Let's hear another lived experience narrative from Gaye.

She says she is no longer a slave to drugs.

She's celebrating more than two years, I imagine, by now, because that video has been out a bit more than two years of sobriety, so we're happy for her about that.

She says her mother apologized to her on her deathbed for hurting her as a baby.

When Gaye was two years old, her parents were fighting, she said.

She was screaming in her crib, wanting them to stop.

I don't know who hit me, but I do remember the warm taste of blood in my mouth as it dried up in my hair.

The next day, unsure of how long I laid there before someone eventually clean me up.

From that day forward, I was never the same.

I was number 15 out of 17 kids.

I never had a book read to me and I was never tucked in that night.

I never had a hug.

I never heard the words, I love you.

But by the age of four, I would wake up with no one around to feed me.

Growing up, I was always bothered by the monsters in the house.

The sexually abused has been there for as long as I could remember.

At the age of five, I was smoking cigarets.

At the age of six, I was smoking pot at the age of eight.

I was stealing beers from fishing boats.

By the eighth grade I was smoking pot and drinking while going to school.

I ended up dropping out that year.

I had anger problems, more like rage because I was never cared for.

I spent over 50 years in addictions.

Today is a new day.

I now feel loved.

I know in my heart I am a survivor.

Such a powerful story.

All of these stories are so deeply affecting, but I had to listen to this one a few times so that I could get through without tears, listening to so much trauma, that gay experience.

But she still found a path to love and a new day.

She embraces being a survivor.

But Eliza, talk about the importance and how people can move from surviving to thriv Well, I think that it looks different for everyone.

Like Autumn said, everyone's healing journey is different.

But one of the things that I love that Gay talks about later in her story is she says, when things get tough, I think of my grandchildren and having those positive relationships, just positive things in your life to look forward to is so important to thriving.

Adam pick it up there.

Your thoughts about getting out of fear and anxiety mode to more calm.

Just ending abuse doesn't end those feelings of fear or insecurity.

No.

Like I said those types of skills are life skills.

And if you don't have parents to teach you those qualities and you don't have a support system and you're not allowed to talk about what happened to you for fear of shame or retaliation or judgment, you're not building those skills because you can't really work through that process, at all.

And so when you when you lack those skills, you kind of remain stagnant and stuck at where, wherever your level is, once you've left that situation.

And so it's really hard to build that up if you're ashamed to talk about it or if you can't receive support.

And also just getting to that point where you can feel some sort of inner security, I'm sure is a different timeline for everyone based on what their experience was and who their support system is.

Yeah.

And I often say that it's a lifelong journey.

So, you know, once this has happened to you, there isn't, you know, a magical moment where, poof, you're you're fully healed.

It's work.

It's it's the same as when you're a recovering, substance user.

You forever have to work on the skill set that prevents you from relapsing, and you forever have to work on the skill set that improves your life.

And it's the same for people that are recovering from victimization, as they have to learn new skills after new learning things about themselves, and they also have to grieve the loss of who they thought they were going to be at some point.

And they have to be able to process that in a way that, like you said, leans towards having some sort of hope in the future.

Eliza, trust is difficult for people, as we know, who have had abuse perpetrated against them, especially if it's someone who should be a protector in their life.

How can we best help children who may be quiet and afraid to tell someone what's happening to them?

I think the best thing that adults can do is just to be that safe, supportive person for a child, and that just means showing up.

Like you said, for children who've experienced abuse.

Opening up could be very difficult for them.

And so just being a consistent force, in a child's life is really important because abuse and trauma are things that can make a child's life seem extremely inconsistent, and they don't really know what to expect.

But also showing up for entire families, not just children, to support parents in getting what they need to thrive and support their children.

At the Children's Trust, we often say that, you know, the vast majority of parents do not want to hurt their children.

They want to be good parents, but they often don't have the knowledge, skills, supports, and resources that they need to get to that place.

And so we need to show up for parents as well.

Yes.

Just, as I noted in the beginning, what's common becomes normal.

And so if they grew up in an abusive setting, they wouldn't know how else to raise their children.

Elizabeth.

Eliza, how widespread do you think trauma and assault, sexual abuse really is in our state?

I'm a survivor of violence, and I know many, many people who are and many that likely have had that negative experience that just have not spoken about it.

How much do yo think there likely is, especiall in our state?

It's unfortunately all too common in Alaska, and we know that through data on things like adverse childhood experiences in the state of Alaska.

But I think the more that we speak openly about the fact that it is too common, the better work we can do to reducing the statistics, because even though this is a shared experience for many Alaskans, there still are not many places in our state where it's, normalized to really talk openly about these types of traumatic events.

And so with this project, we wanted to work towards helping survivors to really take the lead and break the silence so that we can talk about what survivors need and also what we need to prevent this moving forward.

Adam, you talked a little about this earlier.

That it's a lifelong journey, which, of course, we know it is.

How has sharing your story, being able to talk openly about it both helped and maybe at times set you back, in terms of helping, over the course of time.

As I've spoken more and more, I have realized that there are others that have had similar situations to me.

And so that sort of self-affirming that I'm not, you know, victimized for something that I did, it's a victimization that many people share.

So that has been affirming to, you know, just knowing that I'm not alone out there.

And the other thing that has helped is that it has held space for people who are currently being abused and or aren't safe to speak on it so that they can see somebody.

And even if they can't talk about their experience or share their experience, they can see that there are other people that have gone through the same thing.

And they can hear those words and feel affirmed for themselves that they're not alone out there.

Where it has hindered me, though, is that, a lot of assumptions are sometimes made, in terms of, you know, the abuse itself or the victimization and, or, the progress that I've made and or assumptions about my family.

As I said, not all victims have the same, sort of victimization or scenario.

And everyone has a very unique, sort of outcome that they have to work through.

I still have a relationship with my family, for example.

Whereas some child abuse survivors don't.

Yeah.

Yes.

Well, I want to thank you both so much for the work that you're doing on behalf of all of us.

Thank you.

Is so important.

Thank you for being here.

As we heard tonight in these stories of Alaskans stepping into the light of support and stepping away from self-blame and shame, overcoming past trauma isn't easy.

It takes work.

But living a life less burdened by past pain is worth it.

And so are you.

Seek help if you need it and help others when you can.

Healthier, happier lives create healthier, happier families and communities and that helps us all.

That's it for this edition of Alaska Insight, visit our website.

Alaska Public Dawg for breaking news and reports from our partner stations across the state.

While you're there, sign up for our free daily digest so you won't miss any of Alaska's top stories of the day.

Thanks for joining us this evening.

I'm Lori Townsend.

Good night.